just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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