you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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