it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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