Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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