IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize