Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
