I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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