everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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