if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize