Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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