I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
