Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Never joke about your clitoris.
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