I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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