Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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