explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
