yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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