we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
