Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize