How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
