I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
