Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
