Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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