you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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