Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
