Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
