your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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