Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My penis needs a shock collar
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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