I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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