4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
