This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
