i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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