He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
