LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
