If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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