I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
