i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
3pm strippers are depressing
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
