I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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