So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
