from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
