How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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