This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
