So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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