Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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