apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
