hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
