I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
