Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
