i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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