I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
They took my balls.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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