Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
