I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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