I cockslap morals
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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