two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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