hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
