I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
