Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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