I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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