wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
