singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
