I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
