So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
