I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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