i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We need a shit load of segways right now
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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