What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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