I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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