I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's just so happy...and so naked.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
