Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
